letter to my bullies
January 5th, 2019
bully (noun): one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable.
bully (verb): to treat (someone) in a cruel, insulting, threatening, or aggressive fashion: to act like a bully toward.
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dear bullies,
do you remember me? well, maybe you don’t remember me, but i remember you.
i remember those years like it was yesterday — those 4 years that were supposed to be the best years of my life, were the worst.
high school. i would never go back. because of you.
the hypocrisy, the cruel name calling, the public humiliation, the false rumours and the cornering in the halls.
wrong face. wrong size. wrong personality. wrong style. wrong opinions.
your words cut me like a knife.
you made it seem like everything about me was wrong.
no matter how hard i tried to understand, it felt like the world was telling me that i didn’t belong, and i never would.
i remember the hours spent in my room crying after school, the sleepless nights, the anxiety attacks and the time spent crying in my mother's arms.
i remember hearing my parents cry in kitchen, feeling hopeless and tired of seeing me suffer.
i remember the sad look into my younger sister's eyes, unable to understand why i spend my nights crying alone in my room.
at school, i was the good girl who never spoke badly of anyone, the quiet student who worked hard and who hated getting into trouble.
dear bullies, i remember that laughter.
while you were laughing, i was dying inside.
i remember my cheeks burning as i walked from class to class, afraid to meet you in the hallways.
i remember the lunch breaks spent in the girl's bathroom or at the principal's office to avoid bumping into you at the cafeteria.
i remember asking for help and support from people at school but, they were too scared to help.
i had no one. no friends, no support.
you took everything from me.
i lost myself because of you.
when i finally graduated high school, i thought i was free. instead, you became my internal radio station, one that i couldn’t quite figure out how to switch off. you were following me everywhere.
but, this is not where my story ends.
by being forced to go within, i began to slowly gather puzzle pieces out of a dark and challenging place. i explored every corner of myself, searching for lost parts of me, parts that hadn’t been seen in quite a while.
you don't know how much it took me to regain myself again. i lost myself, because of you.
i learned how to face myself without fear, but rather with a growing sense of maturity that helped me look beyond my pain and start to become aware of yours.
with time, i realized that for you to be able to say words so broken and filled with anger, you had to have been battling your very own storms and that you needed to feel power over someone else in order to make yourself feel important.
and that's who i was to you.
the girl you pulled down so you could make yourself feel more worthy.
you have taught me how to connect fully with others. i look around me, and i see beyond the carefully put up walls. i see that behind every face, behind every pair of eyes filled with experiences, there is a story to be told, if we just took a little bit of time to stop and listen.
in a weird way, i’m a little thankful for what i went through. because, you see, despite the hurt, you truly did contribute to the biggest gift of all: the gift of learning to genuinely love and accept the child that i was and the woman i'm becoming.
i’m a much stronger person than i was before. i’m just a little quieter. my confidence has been slowly building back up. i’m becoming the person i want to be. and the battle you made me face helped shape me and your harshness taught me the most important lesson i have yet to learn. that i have to love myself — because when you do, people can’t minimize you. they can’t make you feel worthless. because you know your worth.
and lastly, i only have a few words for you: thank you for making me strong.
i was fragile. i'm strong.
i was hurt. i'm healing. slowly.
i was bitter. i'm able to forgive.
i was constantly scared. i'm growing in confidence.
sincerely,
V
ps: thank you to my family and my boyfriend who supported me and helped me through that though time. i couldn't have done it without you.
xx
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