Jul 23, 20204 min read

shy? me too.

shy adjective 1. being reserved or having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people.

shyness is not a bad quality to have. however, your shyness may cause you to talk less or feel uncomfortable in social settings. begin by taking small steps to feel more confident talking to new people and joining group conversations. being shy doesn't have to stop you from having friends and a good social life. becoming more social will take time. you must slowly address your fears and negative thoughts and step out of your comfort zone to practice your social skills.

here's some of my tips for you:

TALKING TO NEW PEOPLE

✱ practice some conversation starters

starting a conversation with someone you don't know can be difficult. you will feel less awkward if you are well prepared. prepare some conversation starters before you go somewhere so you will have something to talk about. you can start a conversation by asking a question or by giving an honest compliment!

✱ focus on the other person

because you are shy, you are probably thinking about yourself when you interact with others. you may worry about how the other person perceives you or what you will say next. instead of thinking about yourself and your feelings, focus on what the other person is saying or what is going on around you. and don't be quiet all the time... say "yes" or "ummm" or give your opinion about what the other person is talking about.

✱ make small contributions during group conversations

it can be easy to sit back and observe a conversation instead of actually participating in the conversation. this is even more difficult if the group of people all know each other, and you are an outsider. if this is the case, try to stay engaged in the conversation and make small statements such as:

”yeah, i know right.”

”that’s crazy.”

”i heard that too.”

and laugh when other people laugh instead of being silent.

these small statements can also prepare you to start talking more when you feel more comfortable.

✱ ask open ended questions

open-ended questions are questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. these types of questions keep the conversation going and allow you to learn about the other person. most people like talking about themselves so this takes the burden off of you.

for example, instead of saying, “do you have plans this weekend?” you say, “what are you looking forward to this weekend?”

BECOMING A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST

✱ have small interactions

build up your skills by having small interactions with people. taking small steps will increase your confidence in your abilities. because the interactions are small, it is not a big deal if they end up being awkward.

↝ smile at a person on the street. ↝ start a conversation with a cashier, waitress, salesperson, delivery person, or the mailman. ↝ give someone an honest compliment.

✱ have open, accepting body language

make good eye contact and stand up straight. speak confidently: project your voice so that the person can hear you, don't speak too quickly, and speak with a friendly, outgoing tone. these small tips can help others understand you better, but it also can help you feel more accomplished and socially heard.

✱ practice as much as possible

being a good conversationalist is a skill that can be developed. the more you practice, the better you will get. you will be less nervous in social situations, and being talkative will feel more natural.

OVERCOMING YOUR SHYNESS

✱ face your fears gradually

you may be shy because you are afraid of rejection or looking silly or dumb in certain situations. you can't overcome your fears overnight. it will take time and practice. set an overall goal and then take small steps to reach it. start with the least stressful steps and work your way up. don't move to the next step until you have had a positive experience in the previous one.

✱ get out of your comfort zone

shy people tend to do the same activities a lot and hang out with the same group of people. put yourself in new situations to get out of your comfort zone. one of the best ways to do this is to volunteer or join a club that you are interested in. if you volunteer or join some type of club, you will already have something in common with the other people. it will be easier for you to talk to them.trying new things will also give you new topics you can discuss with other people.

✱ be patient

you will not go from being shy to talkative overnight. it's important that you have realistic expectations and be kind to yourself. try to make progress every day. if you smiled at one person on monday, then try to smile at 2 people on tuesday. if you are consistent, you will make improvements.